Want to know what’s been on my mind lately?
::Start thinking about things that need to be done before our daughter comes home.
Make mental list of ways house needs to be fixed up. Bathroom painted, study straightened up, bookshelves built, table restored, chairs painted, ….
Panic and freak the heck out.
Oh my goodness. It just seems like there is so much to be done, and not nearly enough time to do it all. Suddenly, I’m dissatisfied with everything in our house, down to the paint colors. And for the life of me, I cannot prioritize one thing over another. I want everything to be perfect right now, and I just feel like we’re so far from that. Sigh. My mom always claims she knew when she was about to go into labor because she felt like she just had to move all the furniture. You know, that feeling that if you just rearrange everything, that will make all the difference and suddenly things will be perfect and ready for a baby.
I know part of the reason I’m so nervous is because I want our daughter to feel welcome and at home in our house. And I feel like having a picture perfect house is part of that. I want it to look spectacular so that it feels like a home. The other part is that I want to just relax and have some time to adjust once we get home, and I don’t want a to-do list hanging over my head.
I keep reminding myself why we are doing this in the first place. Not because our home, our lives are glamorous. Not because we have something super special to offer. Not because of the opportunity living in the US could afford her. We’re doing it because every kid needs a mommy and a daddy. They need the security of knowing that someone loves and cares for them regardless of whether they’re good or bad, healthy or sick, happy or sad. We’re doing this because we are committed to being that for one little girl. For her lifetime.
So when she comes home we may still have that ugly linoleum in the kitchen. The dining room table may still need to be sanded and restained. Our appliances will most likely still be that terrible shade of off white. We may need to rearrange and re-do some things. And we will probably feel a little squeezed into our living quarters at times.
But you know what will be so beautiful? The love we have for one another. The giggles a little girl is sure to bring to our family. The fun we will have as a family of 3. Even the tears as we work through the huge changes.
I’m letting go of the obsession for a Pinterest-worthy house and praying that God will use us to shape this one little girl’s life. I’m shifting my focus from making my house a picture from a magazine, to a picture of God’s love and faithfulness instead.
These are the things, after all, that make a house a home.