Is This What They Call Nesting?

Want to know what’s been on my mind lately?


::Start thinking about things that need to be done before our daughter comes home.
Make mental list of ways house needs to be fixed up. Bathroom painted, study straightened up, bookshelves built, table restored, chairs painted, ….
Panic and freak the heck out.
Oh my goodness. It just seems like there is so much to be done, and not nearly enough time to do it all. Suddenly, I’m dissatisfied with everything in our house, down to the paint colors. And for the life of me, I cannot prioritize one thing over another. I want everything to be perfect right now, and I just feel like we’re so far from that. Sigh. My mom always claims she knew when she was about to go into labor because she felt like she just had to move all the furniture. You know, that feeling that if you just rearrange everything, that will make all the difference and suddenly things will be perfect and ready for a baby.
I know part of the reason I’m so nervous is because I want our daughter to feel welcome and at home in our house. And I feel like having a picture perfect house is part of that. I want it to look spectacular so that it feels like a home. The other part is that I want to just relax and have some time to adjust once we get home, and I don’t want a to-do list hanging over my head.
I keep reminding myself why we are doing this in the first place. Not because our home, our lives are glamorous. Not because we have something super special to offer. Not because of the opportunity living in the US could afford her. We’re doing it because every kid needs a mommy and a daddy. They need the security of knowing that someone loves and cares for them regardless of whether they’re good or bad, healthy or sick, happy or sad. We’re doing this because we are committed to being that for one little girl. For her lifetime.
So when she comes home we may still have that ugly linoleum in the kitchen. The dining room table may still need to be sanded and restained. Our appliances will most likely still be that terrible shade of off white. We may need to rearrange and re-do some things. And we will probably feel a little squeezed into our living quarters at times.
But you know what will be so beautiful? The love we have for one another. The giggles a little girl is sure to bring to our family. The fun we will have as a family of 3. Even the tears as we work through the huge changes.
I’m letting go of the obsession for a Pinterest-worthy house and praying that God will use us to shape this one little girl’s life. I’m shifting my focus from making my house a picture from a magazine, to a picture of God’s love and faithfulness instead.
These are the things, after all, that make a house a home.

And Finally, Some Good News

So, after I wrote a pretty doom and gloom post about the state of our adoption, I have a little update. We prayed and prayed, and I know you all prayed as well. We can’t thank you enough for all the prayers that have been said on our behalf. There have been many times in this process that we’ve just had to trust that God was in this and would see it through. There was just nothing that we could do, and the uncertainty seemed overwhelming.

Well, after what felt like an eternity of worrying that things weren’t going to work out, there has been some forward movement in our case. Enough that we feel fairly confident that we will get a court date and we’ll get to travel and bring our little girl home. I’m also confident enough about this that I started buying clothes, which I have been really hesitant about until now.

I’m hoping that the next time I have an update to post here, it will be with a court date and our dates for travel! Please continue to pray that things will move along quickly and that we will receive a court date soon.

~~I also wanted to add that God has taught us so much throughout this process and I can’t wait to share some of that stuff here as well as just some more of the practical stuff for people that are interested in adoption. However, because this journey has been so up and down, we feel more comfortable waiting until our little one is home to share the details of our case. Be patient with me, there is much much more to come :).~~


When Adoption Gets Hard

Well, I’ve probably been silent on here long enough. I said in the beginning that I would update on our adoption as things went along. And then I never really did. At first it was because we were worried about putting too much identifying information out there. We wanted to protect us, our adoption, and especially the little girl we are adopting. Things seemed to be going along smoothly and we didn’t want to rock the boat. But, when we set out we said that we wanted to be open and transparent about the ins and outs and ups and downs of adoption. So, even though it’s hard, I want to share what’s going on with us right now.

For the last month and a half we’ve been hearing news of a possible shut-down of intercountry adoption in Uganda. This would mean that it would be nearly impossible for us to continue with our plans to adopt our daughter. This is obviously very hard news for us. What made this news especially alarming is that we are literally just two steps away from completing our adoption. We’re waiting on some paperwork from our little girl’s home village, once that paperwork is submitted, we will be able to apply for a court date…the date that we would travel to Uganda to get legal guardianship of our daughter. When we chose to adopt from Uganda, we went into it with our eyes wide open. Basically, we knew that something like this–or some other situation completely–could happen and we would have to walk away from this adoption. We just weren’t prepared for it to happen so late in the game. When we accepted our referral, and then a private investigation came back quickly and verified the facts we had already been told, we thought we were in the clear.

I don’t know if I can really put into words just how much this has affected us. When it looked like the act that would change the rules for intercountry adoption would certainly pass, I think we reached a real low point. I couldn’t do the simplest things without crying. I had let myself get comfortable enough with the adoption to start imagining incorporating this little girl into our everyday lives. When I was at the grocery store, going to church, going out to dinner, I kept thinking (and sometimes saying), “It will be so awesome to do this with a little one in tow,” or, “Won’t it be so great to introduce our daughter to…(fill in the blank with whatever activity we were doing).” Now I’m trying to let go of those thoughts and I frequently find myself missing and longing for something I never had to begin with. We felt so called to this adoption, to this specific child, why would God allow something like this to happen?

We have spent the last 6 weeks praying fervently for something to happen. For God to move in a miraculous way. One of my very best friends said to me, “Julie, God keeps his promises. God is not done yet.” And for now, I’m choosing to hold onto that.To trust that God can still make a way for us to bring this precious one home, even when it seems like our hope is slipping away. Will you pray with us?

I’ll be back with more when we get some more concrete details. Thank you friends, for loving us, and for caring so much about our little girl already. We’re so grateful for the support we’ve been shown :).